im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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