From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
