"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize