it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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