shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
