i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
