why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
