***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
wakey wakey hands off snakey
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
