The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
