i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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