It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
