U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Is Oprah even human
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
