Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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