I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
