i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
