Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
