Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
