Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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