I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
