Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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