I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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