hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
