My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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