Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
