When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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