dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
