So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
