If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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