they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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