If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize