Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
