Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
