I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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