So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
