Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
