i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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