it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
