Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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