And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
