how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
