I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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