Your tits are I can't wait for
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
