I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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