WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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