so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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