I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize