the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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