dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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