Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
