i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
