u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
