DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
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