Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
