I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
