Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
