they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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