please come you make the beer taste better
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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