I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
