Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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