The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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