it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Well I just put wine in my tea
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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