wat bout pragnant strippers??
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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