walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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