At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
He felt like a one man threesome
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
