Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
