theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
