so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize