I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
